The good wipe is the one that surprises you in the morning. You finish dropping dirty bombs, and pull enough toilet paper out of the dispenser. Then you go to wipe. Your experience may slightly vary, due to whether you fold or crumple your toilet paper, and whether you wipe from the from through the legs or around the back straight to the butt. But whichever way you decide to wipe, you go at it. Now remember this is the good wipe, the one that means your day will be near perfect, with nothing to damper your happy mood. You go to wipe and as you finish the wiping maneuver, you bring the toilet paper to your front to take a look. Now don't deny it, you know you look at it, no matter how much your ashamed to admit it. It's the same with blowing your nose, you always look into the tissue after you blow it out. When you look at the toilet paper, you don't see anything. Surprised that there is no fecal matter on your toilet paper, you wipe and check again, and again nothing. This is known as the "No Shit Wipe." This is a sign that today is going to be an excellent day for you.
However, where there is good there is also evil lurking. The bad wipe is the one you never see coming, the one you barely expect and the one you loathe happening. Again you finish your work on the toilet and ready yourself to wipe. As you finish the maneuver, you feel a spot of wet on your hand, and you already know that a spot of poo has slipped off onto you. Your disgusted now, but you know you need to continue and clean up your messy anus. So you wipe again, and again its all wet and slippery, and ass you discard that wad of toilet paper you take another and wipe again, and again, and again. At the point where you pass three wipes, ( Three wipes is the average number of times you wipe after taking the average dump), you have entered the domain of the "Endless Wipe." This signifies that your day will be a bad one, that things will not be in your favor. And now as your pulling down your pants to sit on the porcelain pot in the morning, and as you feel a log slide out from between your cheeks, you ask yourself, "How will today be for me."
